But I’m not reopening the blog because my feelings toward fear have changed. I’m reopening this blog because I couldn’t stand to see it closed.
I closed this blog hoping that would make me feel freer and safer.
It didn’t happen. It didn’t work.
I didn’t felt freer. I’m not behind bars or anything, I have never been close to that situation so I can only have an idea of what is it like. But not being able to speak out at least to some extent doesn’t feel any different.
I didn’t felt safer. I mean, I’m at risk because I’m a blogger and I’m an open minder (or at least I try to be one of those). But I won’t be out of risks if I stop being a blogger. The risks are just everywhere. The danger and the feeling of being unsafe didn’t stopped when I closed the blog.
So the plan is… I really don’t know. The plan is to keep blogging because at the end that’s what I am. I’m not a writer, I’m not a political fighter, I’m not a reporter, I am a blogger. If I choose to ignore it, I will lose a part of me. I don’t know if in the future I have fears again, strong enough to make me close my blog again, but I hope to learn to beware of those feelings.
The plan is to keep giving you a unique perspective on the Venezuelan situation. There are many incredible good blogs about Venezuela in English, written by Venezuelans, most living here like me (check my links section). I think each and every one of those blogs provides something new, valuable and different to the blogosphere. My contribution, which has been done with not a lot of constancy and loads of interruptions (at least two major ones), is to provide an first hand account of the Venezuelan situation, as I live it, and as I feel it.
I’m proud of what I have done in that direction so far. I’m ashamed of the way I interrupted conspiring against my own work. All it remains for me now is to be honest. And to hope my readers can consider that this blogger is as human as the blog she tries to deliver. Mistakes and hesitation do happen, more often than what I would want to.
This is my way to say, to who ever read this: I’m sorry. I will try to keep being a blogger. I hope you can still be my reader.