Once we have spoke about the weather, things can get a bit confusing.
Some quickly forget the word “Venezuela” and start naming Latin-American countries indistinctly throughout the conversation as if they were the same. Argentina, El Salvador… even Spain which is not even in Latin America. For them, I could be from either of those countries; who could tell the difference?. The ones I like the most – and I end up befriending - immediately lose interest and start talking about something else. The most informed ones proceed to the next question: “Isn’t that guy, who is against America, your president? You know… Chavez…He is like a bad guy, right?” – I smile, quickly reassuring my political position. I can stand to be taken for another national origin but I couldn’t stand to be taken for a government supporter. “Unfortunately, yes”. Life is simple here. For many people there are “good guys” and “bad guys”- like my president. I wish things were that simple.
But every time things get more complicated in my country, I find it even harder to be understood by some people here. How can I explain them that I am not sure if Chavez is my president no longer? How can I explain them that we don’t know if he is even alive? How can I tell them that we have a certain idea that he is sick but we are completely unaware of his exact condition? That he left to Cuba in November and that’s the last we saw of him? I would have to also tell them that now the president is somehow, absent; his allies do strange things in his name. We thought we had seen the worse when he was here, but even more terrible things can happen when he is not.
Nervousness and anxiety can be read, I guess, in the face of all Venezuelans; even those who are fully committed to the Revolution. Chavez has to sworn in for a new presidential period in three days but chances are, he is not going to make it. The president of the National Assembly has called this Constitutional process a “mere formality” and many others have expressed a similar opinion. The opposition has done the little they could: to rightfully demand a truth that has been long time denied despite its importance for country: “Where is Chavez? How is he exactly?”
A part of me is still unable to take account of all the things that are going on now, of all these days we’ve been looking for that truth in our Twitter Timeline with no success. Of all the things that have been said against everything I believe and stand for: Laws, Rights, Democracy, Respect. We are witnessing possibly the end of life that is determinant to the course of a country and this end is capable now to uncover horrors we never imagine. We are witnessing how a man we always thought to be the most powerful- Hugo Chavez-, has been dominated by silence, lies and secrets. And how a country keeps on going, how lives keeps on being lived, despite a total ignorance of who is really ruling us – and the dark suspicion that the domination has been entirely dictated by a different country (Cuba, of course).
I hope I can later make for you a better account and a better reflection of what has happened in these past few weeks and of what continues to happen. In the meantime, my family back home wonders if saving some food for days to come wouldn’t be too paranoid.
And when people ask me where I come from and “what is it like” in that place they have never heard of, I prefer to answer that I am from somewhere in South America, certainly warmer than here; ruled by something more complicated than this “bad guy” you have seen on the news.